


hard to know who might not be your friend

by kitahart



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 10:43:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitahart/pseuds/kitahart
Summary: "Yeah, I – I’ve never met an elf before!” Magnus blurts out.Fuck.What he wants to say is,Taako, your weird needle-point teeth are cool and also very intimidating, I am in awe and slightly afraid,but he’s also very, very drunk.Two times Magnus realized that elves have sharp teeth, a hundred years apart.





	hard to know who might not be your friend

**Author's Note:**

> another one of these things that i was Absolutely Sure i wasn't gonna publish until about five minutes ago!! in a Wild departure of tone, here's something about trauma, and also about elves having really really sharp teeth. i'm gay.
> 
> warnings for some references to past abuse.

“I cannot believe,” Taako says, jabbing a finger at a table across the IPRE lunchroom, “that my sister ditched me to sit with those _nerds._ ” At the opposite end of the room, Lup looks up from where she's sandwiched between Lucretia and Barry and grins, waving a bit.

“I think they're studying?” Magnus offers in between bites of his sandwich. Exactly _what_ they're studying remains a mystery to him. No matter how many times Barry tries to explain bonds to him, shows him the equations, even lets him sit at the helm of the ship so that he can get a hands-on approach to the science, he can't understand it. He _is_ only a security officer, after all.

“Or _flirting._ ” With a gleam in his eye, Taako scoops a spoonful of mashed potatoes from his as-yet-untouched lunch tray (by the end of the break he’ll have managed to sneak more than half of it away for later) and launches it through the air, towards Lup. It falls flat, landing a few feet in front of the table, and she looks up from where she's draped over Lucretia’s arm to quirk an eyebrow in their direction. Half the people in the cafeteria are glancing their way, but Taako doesn't seem to care, just laughs and sticks his tongue out at Lup, and – holy shit.

Holy _shit._

“Wait, wait, do that again!” Magnus nearly shouts. He’s drawing some more weird looks from nearby tables but, just, _holy shit._ He lowers his voice a bit. “Do – do that again.”

“What, this?” Taako strikes a bit of a pose, sticking his tongue out at Magnus. He’s still smiling, which is why –

“Teeth! You have teeth!”

“I mean, yeah?” Taako frowns a bit. “Oh, d’ya mean like –” He pauses, because Magnus is doing his best impression of vampire fangs, which even he has to admit isn't very good. “Okay, dude. Seriously.”

“No, just – can I see?” Taako rolls his eyes. “‘Cause, like – they look cool! And sharp!”

Flattery works _very_ well: Taako obliges, grinning so that Magnus can see that his teeth are, in fact, incredibly sharp. This close, it’s evident that _all_ his teeth are ever-so-slightly-pointed, not just the incisors that had initially caught his eye.

“Neat, right? Humans don’t have ‘em, which is a pretty dumb look, if you ask me,” Taako drawls. Magnus is still staring. “Wait, did you seriously not know?”

“I didn't! Is it supposed to be, like, an elf thing? Like the ears?”

“ _Like the –_ Yknow what, sure. Yes, it’s an elf thing.”

“So Lup has ‘em too?” Come to think of it, Magnus has never seen Lup smile, or at least not widely enough that he could see that her teeth were sharp. When she and Taako laugh, they do it behind their hands, like they're telling an inside joke that only they find funny. 

Taako sighs. “I mean, I said it was an elf thing, so, yes, Lup has the whole… teeth deal too, if you care.”

“I do care! I mean, I don't, I –” Magnus fumbles around for words, getting a little lost while Taako waits impatiently, rapping his fork in a staccato rhythm against the side of his tray. “I just think it looks cool? And I can't believe that I’m about to travel into _space_ with you two and I never noticed!”

“Hm.” Taako’s covering half his face with his hand, absolutely super casual, but the note in his voice makes it obvious that he's smiling. “Y’know, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who thinks it looks cool? Besides other elves, of course. _We_ know that we’re the best.”

“Really? ‘Cause, like – don't get me wrong, it’s a little scary, but like… in a good way? Have you ever thought about, like, using that in battle? To intimidate your enemies?” Fuck, now _Magnus_ wants impossibly sharp teeth. He could, like, get a helmet that has them, maybe. Like a bear kinda deal. That would be so _cool._

“Dude, I’m a wizard, if snarling at my enemies is gonna scare them off, then they're too close!” Taako stands up, grabbing his tray. “Okay, enough of this, I’m gonna go break up Lup’s fuckin’ – romantic getaway over there. You coming?”

“Of course.” Magnus grabs for his own tray, only to realize that Taako’s levitated it out of his reach. “That was mean, buddy.”

Taako laughs a little. Doesn't cover his mouth this time. “Tell you what, why don't you tell those fools what you just figured out, ‘cause I can’t wait for you to explain to Lup that you're _just now_ learning about elf biology.”

* * *

To be fair, Magnus absolutely knows that getting shitfaced drunk with his new coworkers is a bad idea, but, hey! Their first job is done, they got paid, and nobody in the party is dead, which is a cause for celebration on its own. Hence: getting drunk in a shady inn just outside of Phandalin.

As it turns out, drunk Taako is even worse than regular Taako. He’s commandeered half the seating at their table, sprawled out across the bench seat opposite Magnus like it belongs to him. Magnus feels for Merle, he really does, but at least he doesn't seem to mind the fact that he’s currently being squished against the grimy wall. As long as there's a full mug in front of him, he’s in good spirits.

For a while, everything is going well. Magnus leans back, allows Taako and Merle to talk shit about about each other, lets himself bask in the glow of a job well done. There's at least a few minutes where he thinks, _Hey, this could actually work out._ It’s not much, but he could see the rest of his life being… whatever this is. So: things are going well, if not exactly _friendly_ , until the tavern keeper comes up to refill their drinks for the third time, placing a heavy hand on Taako's shoulder as he does so.

Taako honest-to-god _hisses,_ whirling around to bare an impressive mouthful of sharp teeth. The tavern keeper shrieks a little, stumbling backwards with promises to return later, presumably after Taako’s been removed from the premises.

“Dude, what the fuck is your _problem,_ ” Merle whines, slipping farther under the table in an effort to kick Taako. He’s still too short, just winds up hitting the table, causing Magnus to grab both of their drinks before they spill.

“My _problem?_ That guy was a total creep! He fuckin’ – touched me!”

“For balance!”

“I didn't know! He just came up – Okay, the fuck is _wrong_ with you?” The last part is directed towards Magnus, who does his best to stop staring as Taako whirls towards him.

“Uh. I, I just noticed the – the teeth?”

“What,” Taako drawls, suddenly sickly-sweet. “ _These_ things?” He bares his teeth into some semblance of a smile, and Magnus can't help but flinch a little – it's an expression that's half-feral, half-predatory, and almost certainly practiced. It does the job very well.

“Yeah, I – I’ve never met an elf before!” Magnus blurts out. _Fuck._ What he wants to say is, _Taako, your weird needle-point teeth are cool and also very intimidating, I am in awe and slightly afraid,_ but he’s also very, very drunk.

“Don’t see what meeting an elf has to do with it, homie.” Taako resumes his relaxed sprawl across the bench, but his hands are still shaking. He notices Magnus staring and pulls them into his lap, fingers clasped tight. Magnus pretended not to notice.

“So I’m just trying to figure out the evolutionary advantage here,” Merle says after a long pull from his mug.

“‘Course you would.”

“Like, I can’t see, with the diet and all, how having sharp teeth is an asset–”

“Well, I dunno about _evolutionary advantage_ or anything,” Taako interjects, “but one time I bit a chunk out of a dude’s arm, so.”

“What the _fuck,_ ” Magnus says at the same time that Merle says, “An entire chunk?”

“Yeah, like – Well. Thought that it would be safe to travel with him, _evidently fucking not,_ now he’s missing part of his arm. Tasted horrible, by the way,” he says, as if that solves it.

“Awesome.”

“I know, right? Magnus, _what the fuck is your problem?”_ He’s irritated now, sitting ramrod-straight against the back of his seat, hands gripping the wood.

“Uh. I just, that’s kinda awful and all sorts of fucked-up and I’m sorry that it happened to you.” It all comes out in a rush, and Taako stares at him for a moment before narrowing his eyes. Magnus prepares for another explosion, but he only sighs, tosses a few coins on the table.

“Fuck, _whatever._ Not a big deal. Now will one of you fuckers go and ask the bartender for some refills, because I’m pretty sure that I scared that guy off for life.”

“I’ll do it,” Magnus and Merle both say in unison. Magnus shrugs, scoops the coins off the table, and motions to Merle to follow. Halfway across the tavern, he stops, looks back. Merle’s still behind him, but something at their table catches his eye: Taako’s still sitting there, hunched in on himself, drawn up into his seat as if he can protect himself against the world.

**Author's Note:**

> i usually don't publish things that don't have a happy (or at least satisfying?) ending, but i'm trying to finish up and publish a bunch of wips before griffin can ruin 'em on thursday, so Here's This.
> 
> i'm [punkwixes](http://punkwixes.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


End file.
